i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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