he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
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Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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