if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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