I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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