You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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