I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The air was thick with penises
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
