How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
