I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
