please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
