You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
