when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
