Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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