Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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