Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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