i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
