You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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