I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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