Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Success! We fucked roommates!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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