On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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