I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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