for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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