I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
