I wish I only lived at night.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
