There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
