She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
