woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
