I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
