You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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