The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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