ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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