I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's the barista slut.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
