I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?