It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
