So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
