would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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