I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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