so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
