I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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