I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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