Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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