She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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