i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
