Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
