Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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