I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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