i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
