so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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