Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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