your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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