I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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