There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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