I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
