I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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