This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
