i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
