I got her a Nickelback box set.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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